Proverbs 31

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“Hey! Mzungu Mama of Twins!”

I did not feel the need to correct the man shouting at me from across the street – my boys are just shy of 13 months apart. And if I’m honest, I kind of liked the title. I felt seen, in a way. It felt empowering to be viewed – if only for a moment – as a productive, accomplished woman. In the United States, my femininity and womanhood has only ever been criticized. In in the United States, I have never been enough. I did not have enough kids. I did not make enough from scratch. I did not smile enough. I was not a good enough woman.

But suddenly, across the world in East Africa, I was being cat-called because of my apparent ability to produce twins – male twins. For a moment, I felt beautiful. For a moment, I felt wanted. For a moment, I felt enough.

And yet, the statement was based in a lie. Granted, the stranger had no way of knowing – my boys are mistaken for twins every time we go out in public. But I knew the truth. Why did a lie make me feel so lovely?

Wasn’t it a lie, though, that make me feel so awful in my passport country? Was it true that I didn’t have enough kids? To some, yes. But for a woman with my hormonal imbalances, it was an accomplishment. Was it true that I did not make enough from scratch? I did not make my own elderberry syrup or shampoo, but I know my way around sour dough.  Was it true that I did not smile enough? I suppose that’s a cultural preference.

But does any of this define a woman? Her ability to produce and perform? Is that not the lie that so many of us have actually bought into? That our value is somehow dependent upon the external. In Christendom, sometimes we baptize this lie by referring to our worldly production and performance as “fruit.”

It is true that, in the spiritual realm, our production and performance can correlate to fruit. Although the growth of fruit is not limited to performance and productivity. Christ like character and increasing knowledge of God will naturally result in right conduct and good, spiritual works – these are all fruit. And as we do the work of sharing Gospel (something all Christians are called to), more fruit will be seen and felt.

But the metric for these things is largely other worldly. Remember, “…the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart,” (1 Samuel 16:7, ESV). So why are we so quick to critique performance, output, and appearances? And why do we assign spiritual weight to certain things, yet discount the spiritual weight of diapers changed, noses wiped, and Lego creations assembled with littles?

From my 21st Century American lens, a reading of Proverbs 31 tells me this woman could out perform any of my millennial peers (or really most of the women I have ever known):

_¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers…
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple…
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes…
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

English Standard Version

Bless her heart!

But would any of that matter if she:

• Did not have noble character (vs. 10)?
• Was not generous (vs. 20)?
• Was not clothed in strength and dignity (vs. 25)?
• Did not speak with wisdom, offering faithful instruction (vs. 26)?

And above all, would any of it matter if she did not fear the Lord (vs. 30)?

I believe this inspiring woman was capable because she surrendered to the Lord and allowed Him to be strong in her weaknesses. Her identity was rooted in her fear of the Lord, and she was bountifully fruitful – both in a worldly and a spiritual sense – only because of that. I believe the Proverbs 31 woman is fruitful because of her ability to abide – a concept Jesus would describe hundreds of years after the Proverbs 31 woman was defined.

And we mustn’t forget this would have meant she – like you – would not have been enough to redeem herself. This amazing woman – like you – was a sinner in need of a Savior. This woman – like you – would have needed pruning. Refinement. Sanctification. But it would have been all for the glory of God, and because she feared Him, she would have found joy in the trials (James 1:2-4).

I may not have the capacity to bear endless babies, to make elderberry syrup from scratch, or maintain a constant smile. Maybe you do. I may not be a Mzungu Mama of Twins. Maybe you are. But my capacity and abilities are different than yours. And I know you have limitations and weaknesses, too. And in case you need to hear it, that’s okay.

But I am deciding to fear Lord rather than men. Rather than women. My identity is in Christ and Christ alone. His amazing grace is enough. And on the days I fail to recognize this – because I do and I will – I know His mercies are new each morning, and His forgiveness is sweet.

I encourage you to take time to prayerfully consider the following:

• By what standards are you defining your significance and worth?
• By what standards are you defining other women’s significance and worth?
• Are there any lies that you are holding onto as identities? If so, identify them, and ask God to replace them with truths about who you are in Christ.

To further your study on this topic read Proverbs 31 in its entirety, and John 15. If you find yourself struggling with a critical spirit today – toward yourself or others – approach God with confidence, asking for forgiveness, grace, and empowerment to overcome what you cannot on your own.

And feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

Faithfully,